Hey, you kids! Can't you read?!?
Johnny 8:43 PM
Rat Race 04
(aka Grand Prix du Cidre)
The Rat Race isn't really about speed. It's about survival. The winners aren't the first across the finish line, but the ones who finish. In addition to downhills that make brakeless chopper riders tremble, there are swamps to be tossed into, spliffs to confuse and distract the participants, and lots and lots of cider.
You'll have to forgive me, I don't really remember a lot of details from this race... I remember we went to the orchard and set up our tents, then drank a lot while people showed up, then rode that trike around a bit, then headed off towards the firing range...
In the above picture, the race participants are (from left to right):
B Martin, Rat13, Mike (on his £4000 Molton), Tallmartin, Elspeth, Lonebiker, Johnny Payphone, M23, Charlie Hobbs, and Chunkolini POD (in VICTORIAN BLOKE! pose).
The first of many such hurdles. Beautiful countryside, too. Charlie's wearing the yellow leader jersey from the Clunker Classic, in an attempt to dirty it up before the following weekend.
Okay, so maybe it would have been possible to ride our silly bikes up this dang mountain, but we were pretty drunk by that time.
The course was designed by Chunkolini, an insane downhiller. He found the hills that were the most nervewracking on a mountain bike and then convinced us to go down them on choppers! In this picture, if you look closely, you can see Rat13 on his chopper... no, that's not a boggie... there in the upper right... on the chopper.
The course was riddled with wild boar wallers.
M23's status as henchman obliged him to try and dump Lonebiker (the Enemy) into the swamp...
...but Lonebiker's secret government ninja training led to M23's dunking, which (as a born-n-bred swamp rat), was a bit like a rabbit-in-the-briar-patch.
A bit of help from a boggie...
...and everybody's happy. Well, except Lonebiker, of course.
Steep hills prevent Flintstoning on brakeless choppers, and so the front-wheel foot brake must be applied.
Much of the race took place on beautiful trails, crossed with lashing giant brambles. Scratchtastic!
Everybody got too drunk to remember who won.
Johnny 5:42 PM